Growing up as a young man with a single mother was both incredibly rewarding and also incredibly challenging. She made an effort throughout my whole life to be honest and open with me as well as treat me with respect. She did an excellent job, but also had real struggles with it at times. When we experienced struggles in our relationship, we always found ways to talk about them and work them out through open communication. In a way, we both were both involved in a partnership through a huge learning curve in the mother-son relationship.

Growing up without a father meant to me that I really needed to step up and take responsibility for being my own father- my own male guide. I needed to collect my ownership of my masculinity from a variety of sources including myself, my surroundings, trial and error, and other men in my life (through a relation to my mom or otherwise). That has been an ongoing life lesson for me and my mother always supported me in every way that I needed her to, and that she could.

Events in the last two years have finally brought me to a feeling of confidence within the identity of manhood. These have been my final steps in beginning the journey of adulthood, and it is amazing how much the things that I have learned over the last few years have helped me build a healthy, open, and supportive relationship with my mother.

Recently I have really enjoyed watching the boundaries of traditional parent-child relationships break down between my mother and me. While I know and see that my mother is always a mother when I need her, I am eternally grateful that we can see each other as more than just our mother-son roles. We see each other as people.

With that, we can openly and honestly communicate about anything we would like to share with each other or need support with, and I know that my mom will hear me as a person and help me in the ways that I actually need help.

I wish that my mother and I had been able to reach the place we are now when I was younger, although I don’t regret the process that we experienced together at all. The process that we had was exactly what we needed in order to find the relationship that we share today in our own time. Moving forward, I hope that we can share what we have learned with other mothers and sons and help bring some healing, as well as perspective, to other people who struggle in similar ways.

In my college career, I discovered my passion for helping professions. In May of 2013, I will be graduating with a Bachelors Degree in Counseling Psychology, and I just received a certification to practice mediation. I have always struggled with doing work that I am not passionate about, which is why finding ways to help others is such important work for me.

I was lucky enough to find such work to support myself during my college career. I have been a Match Advisor with Yavapai Big Brothers Big Sisters for the last two and a half years, and feel blessed to be in a position to help provide role models to underprivileged youth, when I craved a father figure so dearly as a child.

I hope that this coaching program can help other mothers and sons to strengthen their relationships so that kids can find real support on anything that they experience in their life from their most foundational support system- the parent or parents. I hope to use my experiences, gifts, and talents to give back and enrich all of your lives.

My best wishes are with your families this holiday season! I am so grateful for my family and loved ones being with me this time of year. Please call me or email if you have any questions or would just like to chat!

Happy New Year!!

Ian Brandt
650-346-3289
ibrandt@AZbigs.org